WOMEN ENJOY MAKING LOVE by Jonathan A. Weiss Esq.

WOMEN ENJOY MAKING LOVE

The use and concept of “consent” demeans women. It reduces them to passive humans who are only recipients of sexual activity rather than active participants.

At its best, making love is a physical sensual activity of communication and learning about an other. Both people affirm their unique identity, desire, style, pleasure, and fulfillment in its accomplishment. (The apogee may be mutual simultaneous orgasms). After the first time, relationships are changed permanently by the common intimate memory. When less than ideal, there may arise ambiguities, ambivalencies, and even regrets but such does not imply that what occurred was a mutual affirmation expressed physically.

On the other hand, what is considered “consent” may be acceptance of the unwanted.

Stormy Daniel’s story was that she did not want to have sex with Donald Trump, while noting his little penis with a mushroom top, but when he emerged naked from the bathroom she felt she had to accommodate him. Prostitutes agree (“consent”) to have their bodies used for male sexual satisfaction for money but that surely does not imply that they desire or personally accept it. Worst, of all, is when they women have been sold into slavery as part of “sex trade” so that what could be considered “consent”, from a quick glance, constitutes a violation approximating torture.

“‘No’ means ‘no’”. Not so. The mating dance is subtle and nuanced. An effective and clear way of rejection often is evidenced physically when a woman grabs and restrains. What is said, however, often has many meanings, sometimes simultaneously when ambivalence is involved with minds not completely made up, capable of changing at a crucial juncture. Women seem rarely to affirm their desire and enjoyment verbally (although at certain points it may be expressed audibly). There are no formulas but a real need for sensitivity to the feelings of the other.

Our focus is on affirming heterosexual adult actors in ‘normal’ intercourse. Many of the same considerations, of course, apply to most homosexual acts. Pedophilia and pederasty, however, are not included as both do not have the same ability to affirm. There are many acts which are viewed by some as “deviant” or “perverted” (including fetishes). Many of the same considerations apply with particular attention to lasting harm. Incest not only violates social taboos, but, with parents and children, also occurs without mutual affirmation and may, in general, induce lasting psychological damage. In the area of heterosexual abuse, we may distinguish rape, harassment, and discrimination.

Rape is a horrific assault. It usually leaves lasting deep trauma more than other assaults. As such a terrible assault, it carries (and should carry) more sanctions (longer sentences) than other assaults – with the connected increased need to protect women in the future by confining those who commit it. Such increased sanctions might imply a higher burden of proof than other condemnable assaults. But, it does not. Indeed a misunderstanding of the meaning of “corroboration” has lessened the proof needed. Corroboration need not be a witness but just some proof beyond individual testimony, including but not limited to such as injury incurred, clothing clearly torn by someone else than the possessor, (both demonstrated) etc. The widespread presence of TV cameras is helpful. Understandable and justifiable as the rage and desire for action may be, justice requires more than claims no matter how well expressed.

A particular problem arises when there are regrets by the woman immediately or subsequently after the end of the act. (In the rare case, of regrets arising during the act, achieving or accepting an interruption may impose quite a burden, suffusing the whole act with ambiguity and ambivalence, impossible for a third party to evaluate). Although most times, one hopes, the mutual affirmation leaves a glow, sometimes – often because the context involves the ingestion of “mind altering” substances, such as alcohol, there is real unhappiness. Yet, this does not imply a rape. But it may be claimed.

Rather the situation is be reduced to a “he says, she says.” Given the complicated nature of the interaction, and the gravity of the penal consequences, it seems that uncorroborated testimony should not be the basis of a rape conviction. No satisfactory objective evaluation of credibility is certain enough to sustain the proper “burden” of proof.

There are non-criminal evaluations of “rape” claims. A current controversy swirls around college campuses where some believe it is a prevalent outrage. A problem is protection of the innocent accused. Even if criminal process protections are not to be the standard (although expulsion is a serious and social consequence) certainly “due process” should apply as it does in most governmental administrative hearings and include not relying exclusively on one person’s testimony.

Sexual harassment is both ugly and damaging. Cat calls are humiliating. Unwanted touching (let alone caressing or kissing) is upsetting and even sometimes degrading. A gray cultural area involves “invading space”. Hugging, kissing and touching occur often in the entertainment world; they are often means of greeting in various societies (The Dutch kiss three times alternating cheeks.) What is dismaying potentially for some may be culturally or customary proximity and tactility approved for those who “invade space”. Of course, sensitivity to have affectionate and supportive gestures may be received is important but usually the acts do not arise to sexual harassment. Comments may be offensive; requirements and requests for certain physical acts, such as bending over, are often wrongly motivated. It should also be noted that in certain contexts, women in power sexually harass subordinated.

The basic response, if desirable, must be to reform the general culture and the specific contextual traditions. The particular practical questions revolve around specific acts or patterns of them. It appears that many corporations create an atmosphere encouraging rather than discouraging these degrading acts. The best abstract answer is to provide a secure secret means of complaints being lodged; a sensible investigation (recognizing spontaneity, appreciation, and affection), evaluations by “human resources” and disciplinary action, including firing resulting where there is either an egregious act or pattern of these demeaning acts. Whether “sensitivity training” does anybody any good is not yet clear but consequences would inform.

Sex discrimination is both evil and pervasive. The admirable Red Stockings as the named group, who created the slogans “Sisterhood is powerful” and “consciousness raising” have pointed out in many publications that it is part of the woop and warf of societal, class, and corporate oppression. (Disclosure: I am their General Counsel. As a group or individuals, they may not agree with some or all of the views I have expressed.) The public figures on lower pay and limited presence in leadership job is well documented.

There are relevant laws on the books. The problem has been not only in powerful decisions maker’s indifference but failure to enforce in Courts and agencies, particularly in the current Federal administration. The hope here is that the increase, visibility, and activity of legal and advocacy groups to educate, reach out to victims, and prosecute these cases will have the impact the laws should and will. (There is room for reform in the laws such as eliminating any requirements for “mitigation” which decreases damages, limits on recovery, and attorney fees, etc.)

Gender discrimination must be on the forefront of legal, political, and social movements.

Having surveyed summarily this area, we should not lose sight of what novelists have featured – the complexity of all human relations, and particularly those between members of the opposite sex.

We must recognize all the ambiguities in courtship rituals as well as the terrible acts some have committed.

Celebrating human equality, we should view proper sexual conduct as mutual affirmation, and, in particular, that women do not “consent” but enjoy and are fulfilled in and by “making love.”

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2 thoughts on “WOMEN ENJOY MAKING LOVE by Jonathan A. Weiss Esq.”

  1. ANNONYMOUS COMES TO TOWN
    The sleepy rustbelt town of Steubenville, Ohio, was once best known for high school sports and as the birthplace of Dean Martin. But when a teen sexual assault committed by two members of the football team surfaced, the shadowy hacker group Anonymous caught wind of the story and decided to intervene. After publishing videos and social media from the night of the assault to their millions of online followers, they sparked viral outrage and demands for #JusticeforJaneDoe. They unleashed a passionate mob and their actions divided the small town, but in the process gave strength to generations of women forced to hide abuse. This film asks, when it seems like nothing will change, when is it OK for outsiders to intervene?
    https://www.theguardian.com/news/ng-interactive/2019/apr/18/anonymous-comes-to-town-how-hackers-took-on-high-school-sexual-assault-in-ohio

  2. Women and the culture of child brides.

    More than 200,000 children married in US over the last 15 years Girls as young as 10 were among the minors who wedded under legal loopholes.
    https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/200000-children-married-us-15-years-child-marriage-child-brides-new-jersey-chris-christie-a7830266.html
    In May, the high-profile Republican governor for New Jersey declined to sign into law a measure that would have made his state the first to ban child marriage without exception. Chris Christie claimed it would conflict with religious customs.
    Unchained At Last, a group campaigning to abolish child marriage, and investigative documentary series Frontline. The true figure is likely to be much higher because 10 states provided no or incomplete statistics.  Fraidy Reiss, the founder of Unchained at Last, said she was “literally shaking” when she first obtained data for New Jersey, where her group is based.

    Minors and Marriage
    The recent outrage over Alabama Republican Senate candidate Roy Moore allegedly targeting teenage girls for sex has elicited reports that some evangelical churches actually encourage teenage girls to date older men. It seems unlikely that Moore was ever interested in marrying any of the women who have thus far accused him of unwanted sexual attention and assault. However, Moore is married to a woman 14 years his junior whom he first met when she was 15 and he was 29. These conversations about older men dating and marrying young girls have left many Americans surprised. The reality is that these practices are still around, as I learned in researching my recent book, “American Child Bride: A History of Minors and Marriage in the United States.”
    https://theconversation.com/child-marriage-is-still-legal-in-the-us-88846

    11 Years Old, a Mom, and Pushed to Marry Her Rapist in Florida
    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/26/opinion/sunday/it-was-forced-on-me-child-marriage-in-the-us.html
    “It was forced on me,” she recalls. She had become pregnant, she says, and child welfare authorities were investigating — so her family and church officials decided the simplest way to avoid a messy criminal case was to organize a wedding. “My mom asked me if I wanted to get married, and I said, ‘I don’t know, what is marriage, how do I act like a wife?’” Johnson remembers today, many years later. “She said, ‘Well, I guess you’re just going to get married.’” So she was. A government clerk in Tampa, Fla., refused to marry an 11-year-old, even though this was legal in the state, so the wedding party went to nearby Pinellas County, where the clerk issued a marriage license. The license (which I’ve examined) lists her birth date, so officials were aware of her age.

    Analysis: Child marriage is legal in 49 U.S. states
    https://www.watchdog.org/national/analysis-child-marriage-is-legal-in-u-s-states/article_fbefbf04-5d0e-11e8-b6e6-cb9d5643bc13.html

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